Magical Essence

Friday, June 09, 2006

Standing in front of the window, caressed by the cold breeze, many thoughts came to my mind. I felt lonely this moment. Nobody talk to me as I am alone in my room. Mummy and daddy called me just now chatted with me, asking how my preparation for exam is going on. I only could tell them I am okay to ensure them that I am really okay. Yet, deep inside my heart, I knew I am half-okay only. I am not well-prepared yet. Trembling when thought of that. Really very scared. Yet, I knew I must have the courage to face it and be fearless, and I really do hope I have the courageous and a fearless heart. I need to talk to someone. But, nobody seemed to be free now. I felt some kind of emptiness in me.
Once, I read a Buddhism writings by Nichiren Daishonin (which is my religion). He says, “When you climb the mountain of perfect enlightenment and gaze around you in all directions, then to your amazement you will see the entire realm of phenomena is the Land of Tranquil Light”. I really want to climb this mountain. I really need peace in my mind now. When could I feel the Land of Tranquil Light?
I thought of joy. How much joy is a joy for me? I know, sometimes, I do have high expectations. But I think I am lucky enough to know how to enjoy my life. =) Yet, I think too much joy may come out with a negative consequence too. Like, if I enjoy too much, I wouldn’t achieve good results in studies. It’s funny, everything in this galaxy needs balance. Without balance, you will fall... agree?
One day, we will face death. Please take death as a paramount issue we all must face and seek. Death is a link between present life and afterlife. Do you believe in afterlife? To me, I believe it. So, we must do many good deeds to have a better life in future. Besides, the most important thing is we must do and try good things in our life. We shall not try some ‘bad for you’ things. Recently, I heard from one of my friend that she did something that is very bad (and I think it is seriously bad too). I don’t know whether she did realize that her new friends whom she joins might appear bad for her. I don’t even know why she wants to do so?! For her, she say she do so just for the fun of trying. But trying a bad thing is just not right. Even if you killed by a mad elephant, you won’t fall into the evil paths but if you killed by an evil friend, you will fall into them. It’s just not right. I really pray that she will wake up, and see what is happening around her. I am very worry her and hoping I could sit down and talk to her seriously about this after my exam. Hope she will listen to my advice.
Hmmm, suddenly I miss home so much. I miss the sea in yacht club and chatting with friends at there, having heads up to stargaze. Really miss my friends. Hope everyone will be in Tawau on this coming July so that we can meet up and ask ‘how’s everything going on?’ Alright, have to continue my studies now. Hope I can wake up early tomorrow to follow Mei and Phui to college to do SOGA question. Cheers~! Take care!
-12.25 am- 27may

- feel the magical essence...# ;